Review: Deadlocked by Charlaine Harris

Note: this is more of a rant than a review. It won’t make sense unless you have read the books. If you loved this one, you better skip it because you won’t like what I have to say. And there are spoilers.

I’m considering this –writing the review- my random act of kindness of the day, you don’t deserve to blindly get this book without a warning first. If my review can save you the time and money I’ll consider my sacrifice to be worthy. I almost  DNF’d it, but I kept reading it as my punishment for no listening to myself; last year I said I would quit the series, and yet, here I am again, so I guess I deserve the pain.

Deadlocked has no plot, none whatsoever. Nor does it have anything else going for it that may keep the reader’s attention. There’s a party where certain powerful vampires are supposed to be, but nothing happens except that a girl’s body is found nearby. No one knows who the dead girl is; she has no connection to the characters or plot (but there’s no plot so that’s okay); and there’s no motive. It just looks like a random vampire killing. Unfortunately, there’s more to it, and I say unfortunately, because when you learn the real reason behind the whole murder and what I guess is the book’s plot, you will feel like killing someone. It’s that stupid.

Then there are the “subplots”, and I use the term loosely because there can’t be subplots without a plot, but I don’t know what else to call this mess. It feels like amateur writing. It’s a bunch of random situations scattered along the book that serve no purpose. There’s no continuity linking the previous books, no character development, and the characterization is so poor the leads sound like different characters -Eric in particular-.

The past four books have destroyed all the things that made this series wonderful. Take for instance Eric and Alcide – two alpha males incredible gorgeous and powerful. Ms. Harris transformed them by making Alcide act like a fool in the last book when out of nowhere he decided to wait naked for Sookie in her bed. And Eric, a thousand-year-old vampire for crying out loud, is suddenly just a pawn in the vampire society waiting in the wings to find someone who really wants him. WTF?

Is this enough? Should I even talk about Sookie? She was just plain stupid. Either she doesn’t know her own mind -and she’s had twelve freaking books to figure it out- or her new job is to mess with our minds.  She doesn’t want human’s boyfriends, something that’s been clear since book one, however, she keeps repeating it again and again and again. She loves Eric, doesn’t she? Maybe she doesn’t love him that much? Maybe he is not enough for her? Those are the questions she asks herself (again, in book 12, after years of the reader’s emotional investment in the couple). At this point it’s clear she doesn’t love him, because even knowing the intricate vampire politics, she is reluctant to use the one solution that will guarantee their HEA.

***SPOILER*** 

Instead, she uses it to save Sam’s life, which shouldn’t be at risk to begin with, because he’s a freaking were much better equipped to protect himself than a mere human. None of the werewolves realize he’s about to be attacked, Sookie, the human, does. Ridiculous.

***END OF SPOILER***

Now Sookie feels like her life is void. One of her friend is having babies, Jason is about to get married and everyone is moving on, life is running its course for everyone but her. Or so it seems. The truth is she doesn’t like vampires anymore, or the complication of being associated to the supers (vampires, witches, weres, demons, etc.) so she’s doing nothing to fight for her love. Mark my words: She’s going to end up with Sam, having his babies and baking pies!

Anyway, I think that I figured out why all the books in this series have the word dead on the title. It isn’t because they’re about vampires, it’s because you feel dead inside after reading them. It fooled me several times at the very beginning of the series, but from the second half of it, until this last book, I certainty felt like I was dying a bit inside. What a waste of time, money and words. I don’t feel mad, just profoundly disappointed. It just shows how bad you can fuck something up. We should make a new grade, a special one for fucked up series, and I think it should be 0.5. The only redeeming quality is that you can finally see an end to it. So there!

P.S. If you still give this book a go, then join the club (its official name is “why do I keep reading this crap?”). I’m talking about it with my therapist (Brie), because there must be something wrong with me, I knew what I was getting into but I’m still surprised by how bad it was.

Review by Marie

Grade: 1 

Sensuality: McSexy

Purchase: Amazon

Synopsis:

It’s vampire politics as usual around the town of Bon Temps, but never before have they hit so close to Sookie’s heart… 

Growing up with telepathic abilities, Sookie Stackhouse realized early on there were things she’d rather not know. And now that she’s an adult, she also realizes that some things she knows about, she’d rather not see—like Eric Northman feeding off another woman. A younger one. 

There’s a thing or two she’d like to say about that, but she has to keep quiet—Felipe de Castro, the Vampire King of Louisiana (and Arkansas and Nevada), is in town. It’s the worst possible time for a human body to show up in Eric’s front yard—especially the body of the woman whose blood he just drank. 

Now, it’s up to Sookie and Bill, the official Area Five investigator, to solve the murder. Sookie thinks that, at least this time, the dead girl’s fate has nothing to do with her. But she is wrong. She has an enemy, one far more devious than she would ever suspect, who’s set out to make Sookie’s world come crashing down.

Deadlocked: A Sookie Stackhouse Novel by Charlaine Harris

Ace; May 1st, 2012