DNF Review: His Custody by Tamsen Parker

Source: Review copy provided by the publisher through NetGalley.

Content Warning: graphic descriptions and discussion of self-harm. 


Keyne is a happy, privileged 17-year-old girl whose life changes abruptly after she becomes the sole survivor of an accident that kills her parents, her boyfriend, and her boyfriend’s parents. The two families were incredibly close, and now the only survivors are Keyne and Jasper, her boyfriend’s older brother who wasn’t on the boat that day. She has an aunt and uncle, but they are sketchy and she only feels safe with Jasper, so thanks to the magic of creative liberties, Jasper is awarded custody. He is 32.

A couple of days before I saw this book on NetGalley, I re-read Craving Flight. Ms. Parker is an incredibly talented and compelling storyteller. Her voice is lovely and although BDSM Romance isn’t my jam, I loved that book. I guess I was in the right mood to make the wrong decision, because I did not pay attention to the blurb. So, disclosure, I’m not the best match for this trope, but also, Jesus Christ, book, go sit in a corner and think about what you’ve done.

Where do I start? I already told you that Jasper ends up Keyne’s guardian, a position he’s utterly unqualified for. First, he’s a billionaire workaholic with an unstable personal and professional life. Second, he’s a drug user and an alcoholic, but he kind of quits those through the mighty power of the alpha male’s willpower--a willpower that isn’t mighty enough to keep him from lusting after, and eventually fucking, his underage ward, but more on that later. And he also has a girlfriend who, of course, is vocally against his decision to take care of Kayne, yet she’s nothing but a soon-to-be ex, so she goes away to join Romance’s Army of Evil Exes of Books Past, and next Christmas she will come back to remind us that internalized sexism is alive and well in our genre.

DNF Review: This Heart of Mine by Brenda Novak

Content Warning: Horrible, “holy shit, what the fuck?” levels of fatphobia; ableism; ignorant portrayals of mental illness; and all around shittyness. Seriously.  

Let’s play a game of “Find the Quote that Made Me Rage-Quit this Book” (the page numbers are from the kindle edition, so they may not match the paperback):

The noise of the dogs brought her mother to the door. Because of Lizzie’s tremendous weight, she moved slowly and ponderously, so Kyle was gone by then. Phoenix was glad of that. But it was never easy to contend with her mother. “What the hell’s going on out here?” Lizzie shouted, her words and tone containing the caustic edge she was so famous for.

(Page 36)

“I’m hungry,” her mother announced as soon as she was done, so she warmed up some soup, hoping her mother would eat a healthy meal instead of the cheap pizza, soda, chips, cookies and candy she normally consumed. Only when Phoenix had finished cleaning out a small section of her mother’s kitchen—the one part not buried beneath all the things her mother hoarded—did she feel free to return to her own place, and by then it was after two in the afternoon.

(Page 38)

DNF Review: Brown-Eyed Girl by Lisa Kleypas

I really liked all three Travis books, but I was never invested in a potential Joe story, because I always got the impression that Ms. Kleypas had no interest in writing it. That didn’t stop me from being really excited when the new book was announced, however. In fact, I was so excited that I was honestly taken by surprise by how half-assed and under-baked this book felt and by how poorly it fits a series that was filled with larger-than-life characters and delicious angst.

Avery, our heroine, is very good at her job as a wedding planner, but emotionally scarred by an irresponsible, philandering father and a failed relationship with her ex. At a wedding where she’s busy doing her job, she meets hunky, yet tender Joe Travis. He pesters her throughout until they have what she believes (and wishes) to be a one-night stand. But Joe, whose main character trait is knowing best, decides that he wants her and proceeds to spend half the book relentlessly and inexplicably pursuing her. She gives in, he introduces her to his family, she’s super insecure so there are a lot of mixed signals indecision on her part, and… I didn’t read the last 15% of the book, but I bet something external happens to make her realize that what she really wants and needs is Joe. I know this because the previous book had a romantic conflict that resolved itself by a shoehorned external circumstance instead of actual communication, so why expect something different here? Also, the event that forces Avery’s hand is set up early on in the book.

Currently Reading: Rock Stars, Vampires, Demons, and Maids

Source: Review copies provided by the publishers through NetGalley.

Are you feeling cheerful today? Here’s a bunch of mini doom-and-gloom reviews to help you with that.

Rock Addiction by Nalini Singh

I was very excited when Ms. Singh announced that she was publishing a Contemporary Romance, but this book was a disappointment that I couldn’t even finish.

A rock star falls in love with the virgin, skittish heroine the moment he first sees her. There is absolutely no reason why these two would want to be together, not even to have sex. The problem here wasn’t the trite tropes and contrived plot, though, but how incredibly half-baked the book was. Nalini Singh’s books are all about complex world-building and interesting characters, and at first I thought that the shortcuts she was taking were the product of bad PNR habits that didn’t translate well to a contemporary setting. But whereas the fated mates in the Psy/Changeling series are nuanced people who take time to develop a relationship, this book had two stock, flat characters getting together for superficial reasons in what ultimately was an underdeveloped story. I hear the second half gets better, but I seriously doubt it, because the groundwork just isn’t there.

Grade: DNF
Purchase: Amazon

General Thoughts on Some Current Reads

Today I don’t have a proper review ready, but I do have things to say about the books I’ve been reading, so you get four mini-reviews for the price of one.

***** 

Claiming the Duchess by Sherry Thomas

Romance has the bad habit of using prequel novellas as samples, which usually backfires because novellas aren’t easy to write and they end up working as samples of bad writing. But I like Ms. Thomas’ books, so I was more than happy to read this prequel novella.

I really liked most of it, but the short length really hurt the story, because at its core there’s an act of deception and betrayal that needed more than one paragraph for the climax and ending to be satisfying and to do justice to a heroine that deserved much better. On top of that, the novella (or short story) ends around the 50% mark and the rest is promotional material, so having the book unexpectedly end when you think there’s still half of it to go, doesn’t make for the best reading experience.

The Good, the Bad and the DNF: A Mixed Bag of Current Reads

I have been an inconsistent blogger, but I have been a steady reader. Here are some thoughts on a few recent reads.

Source: Not all the books are review copies, but let’s assume they are. 

Ripped by Sarah Morgan

This novella is a very good blend of Chick-Lit and a Harlequin Presents. It’s told from the heroine’s POV; a heroine who is a bit goofy and socially awkward, but instead of being an insecure mess, she’s a confident rocket scientist whose dresses have the misfortune of ripping open in front of people.  The hero is an intense Italian hunk all brooding and disapproving, but not entirely overbearing. See? Chick-Lit + Harlequin Presents. It may not sound appealing, but the result is a charming and funny story that I highly recommend, even if I my issues with the price remain.

Grade: 4
Sensuality: McSteamy
Purchase: Amazon

Six Reasons Why I Won't Finish R. Lee Smith’s The Last Hour of Gann

That's a Lizardman-titty cover, alright!

The Last Hour of Gann is the new “it” book, at least in my little corner of the internet. It’s getting a lot of hype and positive reviews, and Twitter and the blogoverse is abuzz with the lizardman romance (yes, lizardman) that seem to have taken the community by storm.

The blurb should give you an idea of the overall plot:

It was her last chance: 

Amber Bierce had nothing left except her sister and two tickets on Earth’s first colony-ship. She entered her Sleeper with a five-year contract and the promise of a better life, but awakened in wreckage on an unknown world. For the survivors, there is no rescue, no way home and no hope until they are found by Meoraq—a holy warrior more deadly than any hungering beast on this hostile new world…but whose eyes show a different sort of hunger when he looks at her. 

It was his last year of freedom: 

Uyane Meoraq is a Sword of Sheul, God’s own instrument of judgment, victor of hundreds of trials, with a conqueror’s rights over all men. Or at least he was until his father’s death. Now, without divine intervention, he will be forced to assume stewardship over House Uyane and lose the life he has always known. At the legendary temple of Xi’Matezh, Meoraq hopes to find the deliverance he seeks, but the humans he encounters on his pilgrimage may prove too great a test even for him…especially the one called Amber, behind whose monstrous appearance burns a woman’s heart unlike any he has ever known.

I probably would have read the book eventually because I’m no strange to R. Lee Smith’s novels, which I find incredibly compelling but highly problematic. The same could be said about this book, except that this time the problematic parts won and I’m unable to finish it.

Here’s why:

DNF Review: Ghost Planet by Sharon Lynn Fisher

Warning: This review contains lots of spoilers.

Ghost Planet was my impulsive buy of last week. Its appealing blurb made me put all the other books on hold in order to read this one, but alas, we were not meant to be.  Here’s why.

Elizabeth is a psychologist who just moved to a new planet that’s been colonized by humans. Life in the planet would be pretty awesome if not for one tiny detail: the local aliens* take on the form of a person’s dead loved one and must remain close to them at all time. Not only do these ghosts look exactly like a dead person, but they retain their memories and personalities, which make things really awkward and creepy. Killing the ghosts is pointless because they just regenerate again and again, so the humans have established a protocol to deal with these aliens by completely ignoring them.

When Contemporary Romance Goes Wrong: Some DNF Reviews

Source: Review copies of the books were provided by the publisher through NetGalley. 

What follows is a list of some books I've been struggling to finish for the past few months. One is by a new-to-me author, while the rest are from authors I enjoy and series I love. The thing they have in common is how disappointing they were, and that all of them are Contemporary Romances. Instead of writing individual posts for each, I've decided to list them here because life is too short to waste it on bad books, and I already spent too much time on these.

DNF Review: The Navy SEAL’s Bride by Soraya Lane

Earlier this year I discovered Ms. Lane’s books when I read Back in the Soldiers’ Arms. It even inspired my post about cheating heroes, and overall I thought it was a great story. It takes a good author to make me enjoy a Romance with a cheating hero and I really enjoyed that book.

I was anxiously anticipating The Navy SEAL’s Bride, not only because I like Ms. Lane’s books, but also because the hero played a minor role in Back in the Soldier’s Arms. Unfortunately, instead of the great, emotional story I was expecting, I got a mess of a heroine and an even worse hero.